Playing House Alone
by Winchesteralism
Summary: Dean enlisted in the year 1942. Cas; his roommate, childhood best friend, and best thing to ever happen to him writes every week. Struggling with his own feelings and effort to keep both of them human, Cas stays right by Dean's side- no matter the distance. Dean may have entered the war by himself; but Cas makes sure that he doesn't have to go through it alone.
1. First Day of Many

Dean,

I purchased a typewriter today. I figured it would be a reasonable investment as I plan on writing to you every week. I know you didn't believe I would, but I promised- and as much as you pretend otherwise I know you'll read them (and hopefully enjoy them?)

I'm still in shock over your enlistment, and I can't believe you're not in the house right now and are instead trading home for the Nazis…And won't be for three more years. You tried to convince me that three years wouldn't be that long- that I would be in school for two of them, but it seems like it is. You lft left yesterday and it's already too quite. I (don't know wha) might get a cat.

See you soon; the morning coffee's not going to make itself.

1095 more days

-Please ignore the nomerous numerous scratch outs and ink blotches. I've only had this device for afew a few days and have yet to understand how to properly use it. As I have already attempted to type this letter five times with varying amounts of success; I have decided to cut my losses and send the best of the worst. My apologies; I will get better with practtise practice.


	2. When We Were Young

April 11th , 1942

Dean,

Don't worry; I'm not going to get a cat. I know you're allergic and would swell up all red and blotchy.

Remember that one summer when we were still in grade school; before we moved up to California, when we were still at your parents' house? It was always so hot in Lawrence; and we would spend almost every hour over at your house in the backyard. I don't remember tanning so much in my life; and you gained patches of freckles all over your chest and face (like galaxies- I told you). We decided to go to the creek and the end of the street to try and escape the heat; even though your mother told us not to.

You jumped right down the slope and gestured for me to follow. When I asked you how we planned on getting back up the side of the bank; we quickly found out that it was definitely something we should have thought about sooner. We were so young that I had no hope of pulling you up myself; which left you hoping up and down; trying to climb the steep slopes of the bank. You kept sliding back down right back where you started no matter how many times you tried. If it wasn't so terrifying I would have died with laughter.

It took you an hour to admit defeat and let me go back and find something resembling a sturdy branch or a rope. When we eventually came back into the house; we were both covered in scratches and had sweated enough to appear as if we had jumped in the creek after all.

In fact it was hilarious... until we found out that the whole bank was coated in poison ivy and we had rashes for weeks. I don't remember days more painful than the ones that followed; and I couldn't heli believe you when you told me that's what it was like for you when a cat or dog came too close; if for a much shorter period.

So maybe I'll get a fish. You can't be allergic to fish; right?

See you s

I'm not quite sure what to say right now- it's only been a week. I keep calling your name to ask a question or get you to grab me something before remembering that you're not here anymore. I think it might take me a while to stop; and right now I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. I don't know how to think abo

See you soon; I'd for hate you to take too long to come home and tip my hands in terms of the cat. I've already got a name picked out.

1088 more days


	3. Confessions from One to Another

April 18th , 1942

Dean,

Ine I need to make sure that you know I support you. Thinking back to my last two letters I'd hate for you to think that I'm upset with your decision to enlist. I know why you decided to join the army; I knew the second the Japs bombed us and we joined the war that it would only be a matter of time before you went over. It's the type of person you are. I only wish I could have gone over with you. Instead I'm here getting my degree while you're out there helping people and saving lives. I feel selfish.

Yet I feel even more so for wanting you back here more than anything. You're my best friend, and without you lounging on the couch smelling like oil and gasoline when I get back from class I feel so much more alone. I miss going to the drive in with you and missing the whole thing as you talk through every film we've ever sene seen. I miss the coffee you would have waiting in the kitchen before you go to work. I miss yelling at you to pick up after yourself and do the laundry. I miss detangling the cord to the telephone as you would twirl it into a knot whenever you used it. And most of all I miss my friend.

But that means nothing- as I am so very proud of you. I'm proud to know you, and I'm proud to tell people that you are going to be saving the world. I just

It's warming up over here; yet the day I say that is the day it's going to drop down to thirty again and I freeze. However, this week it's been a beautiful 80 nonstop- not a cloud in sight. I've spent every day after class outside, and so far all of today. I can't remember the last time I've been outside, but I definitely remember why I love it.

I put in a subscription to the New York Times today. The papers' set to come every Mi Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. Figured I might as well know what's going on so we'll sound cultured and have intelligent things to talk about when you get back.

See you soon, Dean. There are only so many barbeques I can throw alone.

1081 more days


	4. Deafening Silence

April 25th, 1942

Dean,

This house is really quite without you in it. I'm so used to hearing you move around and blare your music that the slie silence is almost deafening- if that makes any sense. I think I'm going to buy some records this weekend just so there's some noise going.

I keep your door open now; and moved your shoes and jacket into the back of the closet. It's really stupid but that way I can imagine that you're just out; on a date, working long hours, doing...something, and just haven't come back yet. It's… it's stupid. But you know how I get alone… and I can't do that again. I promised you I wouldn't- so until Sam get's here..

I'm dying to know how training is going. I heard boot camp is hell and the regimens were nothing to laugh about. Some of the guys who came back from their 'tour' (that's what this is called, yes? I'm not very fluent with "military speak") said it was more grueling than the war itself. That can only be a good thing, right? And hey, at least this is going to take care of the softness to your stomach that you are so self conscious about. (You really shouldn't be, I think it's) You'll have to tell me about it when you get back- I'm curious to learn a few knew stretching techniques.

I hope you are doing well- I know you go overseas in a month. Get as much training as you can. (Be as ready as you can possibly) No point in wasting the opportunity given to you.

See you soon, Dean. I'm sure even I can make better food then whatever they're attempting to serve you.

1074 more days


	5. Dignity

May 2nd, 1942

Dean,

Remember when I told you that I've been spending every day after classes outside? I'm not doing that anymore. In fact- I never want to think about stepping foot outside again.

After class yesterday I laid down outside to relax and read the paper. School's getting out of control- finals are in three weeks; meaning every teacher has made it their mission to force feed us half a years' worth of information in under a month. In summary, lying out in the sun to read seemed like a completely reasonable step in recovery. And it would have been- if I hadn't managed to fall asleep and not wake up for six hours.

I now have a generously sized sunburn all over my face and chest- not to mention the embarrassing mark on my legs where I had rested my sandals. Those were the only two I noticed immediately. Upon returning rather stiffly to my room; I was accosted with the view of my facial tan liness. As you may have already guessed; I indeed fell asleep with my lenses on. Which leaves me now with a beautiful white model of the lenses circling my eyes and over the bridge of my nose. I am in pain and I am humiliated. I miss winter.

See you soon, Dean. I no longer have someone around to laugh at me then go out and buy be some aloe. I'm going to have to get some myself while wearing my lenses as cover. And according to you; only "douchebags" were lenses indoors. I hope in light of recent events you make an exception.

1067 more days


	6. Addiction

May 9th, 1942

Dean,

A month and a half has passed and it couldn't have gone any slower or faster if it tried. I'm pleased to report things have been going well. School is picking up once more and I have reached that point in the year where I consume record amounts of coffee just to keep my eyes open. When it's only noon and I'm already on my fourth or fifth cup I begin to worry; as the general consensus is that sophomore year is child's play compared to junior year... so I guess I should have taken that into larger account when I decided to double major.

Sam's doing extremely well. He's biting his nails like crazy again and looks like he could drop dead at any moment due to lack of sleep, (and considerable less coffee intake. I too remember the days when tea was enough) but I know it's simply because of the nerves that come along with college acceptance. Apparently the results are supposed to arrive within two weeks with the news. He already got accepted to KU, but you and I both know his heart is set on Stanford. I'm sure he'll get in. He's a smart kid- smarter than me. And as I am currently seated in my own dorm room at Stanford…

I'll be sure to inform you of the good news in two weeks; I have not a doubt.

I've also started to read the newspaper. It's surprisingly interesting. Just three days ago a farm cow got stuck in a grain mill. After being trapped for two days they eventually squeezed it out by covering it in grease. Exciting.

Finally; I am pleased to note that I have mastered, or just about, the typewriter. You can probably tell due to the considerable decrease in strikeouts and the lines being somewhat parallel and straight as they should be. I count this as an achievement.

See you soon, Dean. I need (you) someone to remind me to sleep at least once before finals.

1060 more days


	7. Celebration

May 16th, 1942

Dean,

Finals are next week and I am freaking out. One wouldn't think getting teaching degree would be so stressful. However; I do not write to you with bad news alone.

Sam drove up to university yesterday with an overnight bag and a huge grin splitting his features. His under eyes were of the darkest purple and swollen to an alarming degree; and frankly looked worriedly close to keeling over- but he was smiling widely from ear to ear. I knew before he even opened his n mouth that he was accepted.

Sam's going to Stanford! And he's not just going- he's in on a full scholarship! An all expenses paid for; room-and-board included scholarship! The only thing he has left to cover is his gas bill. I let him know just how proud we both were of him.

He's going to move down here to live with me in a couple weeks as soon as school lets out- he has a few more weeks left. Unfortunately; we won't be allowed to room together at the start of the Fall Semester as freshman have to reside in special (Sam called them segregated) dorms. Nevertheless; Sam will live with me in the apartment for the summer- get him used to the city. And we are both hoping his roommate isn't too weird. Or obnoxious. Or loud. Or….

I'm glad I got a single.

See you soon, Dean. I need someone of age to toast with.

1053 more days


	8. Safe Trip

May 2

May 23rd, 1942

Dean,

I can't tell you how much I miss you and worry about you. Every moment I picture you climbing onto a plane and flying over to Europe. I remember the time we flew home to Lawrence for your mother's birthday. Neither of us had ever been on a plane before, yet I had to hold your hand and practically force feed you sleeping medication to calm you down. We didn't fly once after that; instead choosing to make the three day drive every year. I doubt the officers would provide you with medication on this trip.

I'd recommend a few things for you to do; but by the time you get this a week will have passed-maybe more; and you would have already made the trip. I hope it went well.

School got out this week. My last final was yesterday. I think it went well. I turned in the paper around two, yet the second I got home I fell asleep and didn't wake up until around ten today- and I still feel tired. I just hope it doesn't take too long for my biorhythms to regulate; I don't quite enjoy this constant state of exhaustion I am currently experiencing.

Sam went back home to finish his last three weeks of school. And with him he took my best brand of coffee grounds. I couldn't tell if it was because he rrael realized tea wasn't going to be enough or he was silently trying to get me to cut back. Either way; I had to go out and buy coffee again. Prices are rising everyday; it's up 30 cents already from last week alone. This is worrying- I don't exactly have a job as of recent and soon won't be able to get anymore.

I'm excited Sam's going to be staying with me this summer, I didn't know how long I wouldd fair without company otherwise.

See you soon, Dean. Europe can't be nearly as entertaining as California during the summer. There's not much of a "party scene" over there, as you would call it.

1046 more days


	9. Old Habits

May 30th, 1942

Dean,

I can't help feeling like something's been stolen. Summer just started- and now I have an empty house in which I was supposed to spend the summer fighting for control of the remote with you. I know it's selfish, and I know this day could have come at any time with you being on call and everything; but that doesn't stop me from being shocked every morning when I wake up and you're not pounding your fists against the thin walls of our apartment to get me to turn off my alarm at this "ungodly hour in the goddamn morning you asshole". It's just... it's (hard) different.

See you soon, Dean. The summer's not the same without you.

1039 more days


	10. Anna

June 6th, 1942

Dean,

On Monday the papers said that the Germans were using gas to kill the Jews sent to "the East". I. People, Dean. People are sending women and children, boys and girls, husbands and wives to camps. They're ripping them out of their homes and shipping them to factories in cattle cars to slaughter them.

I- I didn't fully support the war. I wanted us to stay out of it. But Dean. These are people. Families. I have a friend, over in Amsterdam, Netherlands. Her name is Anna. I met her father at a journalist convention a few years back and had the pleasure of meeting his daughter. She was beautiful- and even at the age of 9 had the most gorgeous red hair I had ever seen. It was so unusual for a German. But Dean… her family is Jewish. I've… I've tried contacting them for the past couple of days but I haven't heard anything.

If anything had happened to them…

Dean. I need you to win the war. This has to stop. It- it has to stop.

See you soon, Dean. But not before you punch Hitler in the face.

1032 more days


	11. Heat

June 13th, 1942

Dean,

The weather is incredible hot over here. I can only hope wherever you are currently it's not nearly as miserable. I fear that if I move to quickly my clothes or the surrounding furniture will spontaneously catch fire. Half the time there's no moisture in my mouth and my tongue feels like sandpaper scraping against the roof of my mouth.

I talk to Sam most everyday; and from what I can tell he's pretty moody at the moment. The heat isn't much better back in Lawrence; and all hopes he had of keeping his garden alive were dashed when he got a notice in the mail issuing water conservation restrictions. All that work of keeping it alive through winter and now this.. it would be humorous if it wasn't so heartbreaking.

I've looked into getting a summer job. I've been going crazy these past two weeks with nothing in particular to do. If this keeps up I'm not going to make it to my diploma. The library has an opening for a librarian- I think I'm going to apply.

Sam's coming next week! I'm very excited. I'm going to start cleaning up the apartment tomorrow; though to be honest there isn't much to do; as everything is already as clean as I can get it. As I said- a lot of free time.

See you soon, Dean. I'm going to need someone to split the air conditioning bill with. At this rate I'm not even going to be able to afford it.

The Nazis burnt the Czech village of Lidice on Wednesday as reprisal for the killing of Reinhard Heydrich. All male adults and children were killed. All women were taken off to concentration camps. I hope you are doing well, Dean. And I hope you are winning. I pray that you're winning.

1025 more days


	12. Indecency

June 20th, 1942

Dean,

Sam moved in four days ago. Well- he arrived four days ago. The majority of his belongings are still in color coded boxes lining the hallway.

I haven't seen too much of him so far; as his schedule has been fairly limited. These past couple days he would get up around noon, eat something pre-made in my fridge then sit on the couch blankly for a few hours before returning to his room. I fully sympathize, no, empathize; I was in that same catatonic state not a month ago.

Of what I have seen of him, he too seems more than ready for the summer. And from what I can tell, he is also relieved for the company. However, he is not, in fact, thrilled about my apartment. I've had to reduce the amount of hours I run the air conditioner to just around an hour a day due to costs, and I can tell it's taking its toll on him. I myself have gotten used to the steaming temperature of the house somewhat, but Sam appears to be suffering. He's already stripped the bed of all its' sheets save for the bottom layer and now dumps half a gallon of water over his shoulders and sleeps in nothing save for his boxer shorts in an attempt to not "evaporate during the night.". When I told him that was indecent, (yes Dean. You're tendency to walk around in nothing but your drawers was indecent- contrary to your belief) he flipped me the bird.

Sometimes I forget you two are related. Other times it could't be more clear.

I'm now definitively going to be getting a job this summer, and now my reasoning isn't just to pass the time. If I'm going to be able to keep this apartment in the foreseeable future I'm going to need a higher income then just my high school savings for rent. There is a job opening at the local library, the one next to the barbers?(Yes I already told you this) They need a new Librarian (Dean yes that is a reputable profession). Wish me luck!

See you soon, Dean. I'm waiting for someone to make a completely uncalled for and immature "sexy librarian" joke, and it seems you are the only one to do it.

1018 more days


	13. To Where They Were Hidden

June 27th, 1942

Dean,

To start off, I received the job at the library. I have the corner desk next to the Young Adult Fiction section, which… could leave much to be desired; but I have my own desk and have been told I'm allowed to spend my time as I please- long as I remain at my desk and respond 'politely and effectively' to all questions. I was very pleased to receive this position, and to be honest was surprised I had been given it, as I have no prior experience.

As it goes, not many people applied. I fear I know why and have made a grave mistake myself. The library is also without air conditioning; providing me with only one small desk fan (to which I am supposed to keep out turned towards the customer) that only serves to propel the heated air towards my face at a higher velocity. I think I'm in hell. But I am getting paid $5 an hour, so I justify this torture with my slightly-above-minimum-wage income.

Two days after my last letter; Sam finally cracked. He went out last Monday and came back with a stack of paperwork before unceremoniously throwing it on the coffee table and stomping over to the thermostat to twist the temperature dial all the way down to 70. Before I could rebuke him for turning it on after we had already used the allotted hour; he held the papers out for me to see.

As you may have guessed from this letter or predicted from the previous; Sam went out and pre-paid for our heating and cooling system for the next two months. He argued that since he was living here he was allowed a say in the matter and refused to let me reimburse him. Instead he stuffed the papers into his pockets and made the argument of "I'm not the one with college tuition to pay off"; a statement that brought me up short long enough for him to dart away into his room. When I went to retrieve the paperwork later; it appears he has stashed it away in some hidden corner. I digress.

See you soon, Dean. I need you to find where he's holding the papers. I know you would be able to find all his hiding spots.

1011 more days

-I am pleased to announce that I believe I have finally mastered the typewriter. As you can most likely tell, due to the considerable reduction of errors. The lines are now straight, the text unblemished, and the writing clear and focused. It may have taken me a bit over two months; but it is done.


	14. Fireworks

July 4th, 1942

Dean,

_For 166 years this Fourth Day of July has been a symbol to the people of our country of the democratic freedom which our citizens claim as their precious birthright. On this grim anniversary its meaning has spread over the entire globe-focusing the attention of the world upon the modern freedoms for which all the United Nations are now engaged in deadly war._

_On the desert sands of Africa, along the thousands of miles of battle lines in Russia, in New Zealand and Australia, and the islands of the Pacific, in war-torn China and all over the seven seas, free men are fighting desperately-and dying-to preserve the liberties and the decencies of modern civilization. And in the overrun and occupied nations of the world, this day is filled with added significance, coming at a time when freedom and religion have been attacked and trampled upon by tyrannies unequaled in human history._

_Never since it first was created in Philadelphia, has this anniversary come in times so dangerous to everything for which it stands. We celebrate it this year, not in the fireworks of make-believe but in the death-dealing reality of tanks and planes and guns and ships. We celebrate it also by running without interruption the assembly lines which turn out these weapons to be shipped to all the embattled points of the globe. Not to waste one hour, not to stop one shot, not to hold back one blow-that is the way to mark our great national holiday in this year of 1942._

_To the weary, hungry, unequipped Army of the American Revolution, the Fourth of July was a tonic of hope and inspiration. So is it now. The tough, grim men who fight for freedom in this dark hour take heart in its message-the assurance of the right to liberty under God-for all peoples and races and groups and nations, everywhere in the world._

President Franklin D. Roosevelt delivered this speech earlier today. I know you probably wouldn't have listened to it if you were here- but I figured it was something that you would appreciate. I was able to sit around the radio with Sam earlier and listen to the speech. Somehow we made a game out of this somber address; I was all set to do my best to transcribe everything I heard, but Sam challenged me with his 'honed note-taking skills'. We decided to race to see who could get most of the address transcribed accurately by the end of the delivery; and we would record the address to keep track. In the end my typewriter jammed twice, and Sam snapped him pencil in half; spending a good portion of his time searching aimlessly for a new one while I madly tried to fix the machine. However, in the aftermath I was deemed the winner, much to Sam's chagrin. It was stupid, it was ridiculous, but it was an occurrence that I will hold dearly for some time to come. I know if you'd been here you would have laughed from your perch on the edge of the couch and have called us both some uncouth name.

After the game ended and I was able to rewrite the speech word for word with the help of the recording, and then read it for the first time. I have to admit it was well done.

They announced earlier that there were not to be any fireworks this year, but Sam came in the house yesterday grinning widely with a lumpy sac tucked under his arm.

Together we are planning to go out into the woods tonight to light them off the side of the road. It's childish and immature; but I'm sure it will be the best time we've had in a while. We have lighters, sparklers, and a whole host of fireworks that we frankly have no idea how to operate. I'm sure it will be a learning experience for us all.

See you soon, Dean. You're the only one with pyrotechnic operating skills that we know of, and there are only so many Independence days we can celebrate without the knowledge to properly light the equipment. You were the only one that lit them all those years ago; and Sam says he was too young to understand or remember what you did. With that said we would like to enlist your help as soon as possible, if you would.

1004 more days


	15. One Step Forward

July 11th, 1942

Dean,

Wednesday passed and marked the end of the thousands. Going from seeing four numbers on the calendar to three isn't much, but it's the only reminder I have of the time passing. 98 days down, 997 to go.

Sam saw the countdown on my desk and convinced me it would be a good idea to take the impala out for a ride. Before you freak out and do something rash_, of course_ I told him no...originally. However, he made the argument that your dying wish was that we take good care of the car; and we can't do that if we let it rot in the driveway. I thought about his logic for a good hour before deeming it solid. He's going to make a great lawyer; I guarantee. He fights dirty all the while looking at you through his most endearing and innocent expression imaginable. Once he builds a case I can't picture a soul who could stand against him.

We drove around for a while with no set destination. Somehow we ended up on the same forest road that took us to our firework hideout. I could barely recognize the place from last weeks. It was so much lighter in the daytime. Everything was a thousand shades of lush green and covered in dew, with shafts of light breaking up the patchwork of black soil on the ground. It was beautiful.

Last Sunday the American Air Force started its missions over in Europe. We can't hear them flying out in California; but the testimonials of those living on the east coast say the planes never stop overhead and that they make the very earth shake and leave a black choking cloud in their wake.

The planes can be heard for miles, leaving me skeptical as to how effective they are at stealth over in Europe. Can you hear them, Dean? Wherever you are- do you see the planes fly overhead?

If the volume really is as bad as the people say, consider using a pair of ear plugs. I know you won't have access to any of the fancy ones; but I've compiled a list of different techniques you can use to keep your hearing past age forty.

Cotton wool- get a small piece and gently place it in your ear: supposedly highly effective. Chew on some cardboard to soften and put it in your ear: much like the cotton wool. Wax Cotton Other various (sanitary!) fabrics

I hope these work. If I come across any other forms of noise cancelling ear pieces; I will be sure to let you know.

See you soon, Dean. Noise silencing is just about the last thing I worry about, as of late.

997 more days


	16. Last Minute Ingenuity

July 12th, 1942

Dean,

It occurred to me this morning that I could just send you a pair; as long as I enclose them properly.

I placed them between two scraps of fabric behind this letter. These are the best ones I could find in such short notice; but I can attest to them effectively eliminating all noise in total of your surrounding area.

See you soon, Dean. I won't stay this ingenious forever.

996 more days


	17. Unfortunate Circumstances

July 21th, 1942

Dean,

I didn't want to write this letter. It took me holding off writing this three days past my normal correspondence to do so. This is my eleventh draft, and I fear I may have to go for a twelfth.

I am so sorry.

After.. sometime after writing you on Monday, I went out to put the letter in the post. On my arrival at the house I saw a huge crater in the back of the impala. No vehicle was around and upon quick inspection no note or placard was left with details.

I'm afraid there was a 'hit and run'.

I've looked at the damage the best my untrained eye can, and it appears to be concentrated to the back left- though what damage there looks, well, severe to say the least.

I'm not going to take it into a shop because I know you don't want anyone else "touching your baby." But don't worry- I'm not going to leave 'her' outdoors. I'll find a way to get 'her' under four walls and a roof. For now, I covered 'her' with a tarp; but will do my best to remedy the situation shortly.

I know how much your car means to you, and I'm sorry you have to hear about it this way. It's just.. I know you would've preferred to hear about it now then to hear about it upon your return. Don't let it add to your stress- 'she' will be well taken care of.

See you soon, Dean. No one is quite the brilliant mechanic you are.


End file.
